Today, I get to talk to all the people who put pressure on themselves to be perfect. You have to have it ALL together, 100% of the time, do things flawlessly with no mistakes and won’t (can’t) fall short (because it’s not an option to fall short) of giving people excellence, and you’ll be darned if someone catches you without a “T” crossed or an “I” dotted. Um….anybody guilty of this? Yep, I can raise my hand loud and proud!
I struggled with perfectionism for a very long time and STILL have to release the desire to be perfect, especially after launching something I want to be just right. I, first, must say this: perfectionists are great in the fact that they guarantee thorough, high quality, and excellent work. Perfectionists do their research, and, thus, a strong reliance and trust are built with others. Perfectionists work hard to get a job done and won’t stop until it’s done right. These are all strong and awesome traits! However, behind every true perfectionist is a “You’re not Good Enough!” story. This story wasn’t written in fairytales, but as a true belief in the heart of the perfectionist (maybe you).
My story goes like this: When I was younger, I witnessed anger in my home. In certain situations, I wasn’t able to have silly outbursts or fun moments because anything done outside of the ordinary could have possibly lit a match to that anger. I, therefore, learned to be on my best behavior (in other words perfect) to avoid consequences. Being myself was of lesser importance. I grew to believe that being me was not good enough.
This belief was reinforced for years to come as I encountered moments when being vulnerable with trusted friends turned to betrayal. It was again reinforced when I felt pressured to look a certain way just to get verbal affirmation from others. It was even reinforced when people would volunteer me to work on special projects because I “never failed to do a phenomenal job,” and since I was known for this, I couldn’t and wouldn’t disappoint anyone at any time. (That’s a pretty high and impossible standard). I thought, “Being perfect makes people happy, and when people are happy, then I can be happy.”
Did you catch that?! I thought being perfect makes people happy, and when people are happy, then I’m happy. So, basically, that sentence backwards is this: I’m happy when people are happy and their happiness comes from my ability to be perfect. Ah ha! That is the common thread among perfectionists! Our work and our efforts are rooted in what other people think: Oh My Gosh if I don’t do this, what are people going to say? Oh My Gosh, if I don’t do this, who will be disappointed? If I fail at this, how will it be perceived?Our happiness becomes based on the approval of others, and trust me, it will wear us out!
Being worn out is just one thing striving for perfection causes. I know people who take so much pride in not making mistakes that they have feel as though they have the right to judge and critique others. I’ve seen people throw themselves in graves because they made one tiny mistake and it takes them days to get over the condemnation. I’ve seen people who refuse to do something new, silly, fun or take risks because they don’t want to look like they don’t have it all together. I’ve witnessed people lie and blame others to cover up for their mistakes to keep their poised reputation intact. I’ve witnessed people who refuse to be vulnerable because they equate it to weakness. I’ve seen people neglect their spouse and children because perfecting their work is more important. BUTI want to challenge you to embrace a new, en vogue way of life tied up in one word: imperfection. Imperfection is the place where you make a mistake and don’t translate it as “YOU ARE the mistake,” but translate it as a small moment in time that has the ability to shape your character for the better.
Can I just tell you one thing that has set me free? NOONE is perfect! EVERYONE makes mistakes. EVERYONE screws up. NOONE is on point at all times. That’s what makes us human. That’s what makes us real. That’s what makes us relatable. That’s what strengthens us. If I never failed or made a mistake, I wouldn’t have learned the valuable lessons life has taught me, I most certainly wouldn’t be able to reach the people that I have, and I definitely wouldn’t be able to embrace my mistakes and allow them to change me. I’m not saying to not be a man or woman of standards. I will always do things in excellence, try my best, and put 100% effort in, but I will not live in perpetual fear of mistakes or allow other people to define my worth, relying on their opinions to give me a sense of value. I refuse to put imperfect people on pedestals and compare my life to theirs. Imperfection is a part of life.
Lastly, while perfection gives us adoration from others, it keeps people at a distance from us. However, being open with our imperfections connects us to others and that’s where the greatest impact can be had. It gives us the ability to embrace ourselves and all we are now and not some idealistic person we’re striving to become. Imperfection in action gets us closer to our dreams than perfection inactive. Perfectionists stay inactive at times because they don’t want to release something for it be criticized by others, but I say to you, “Go for it and fall!” You will learn and be better from it.
Go back to that story in your life- to that person or experience where something was done or said, and you interpreted it as “You’re not good enough.” That interpretation was a lie. It wasn’t the truth. But now, as an adult, with new eyes and a fresh perspective, you can revisit that place and reject it. You can tell the younger version of yourself the truth and accept it for your life today. Fill your heart with all the beautiful qualities you have and God’s love that He wants to pour over you through scripture. Know that imperfection will never take away from those beautiful qualities you possess, and it certainly won’t take away from Christ’s acceptance and love for you. I love this quote from a famous author who says, “Perfection is fear in really good shoes.” So, I’m taking off my cute, snakeskin heels and releasing all fear to say, “Welcome, imperfection, come on in!” For video, challenge, and daily encouragements, click here.