One of the things we are not so willing to admit (and some of us don’t even realize we do) is compared ourselves to others. Let’s face it, if we didn’t compare ourselves to others, several of us would be content with what we have and where we are at in life, but, we ALL do it. We are ALL guilty of it. We look at a person or group of people and we are in awe: Wow! They have this house, that social network, this level of prestige, that degree, this talent, that skill, this job, that charisma… the list goes on and on. This eventually causes us to say, “They are so successful! They are amazing! They have it all together!” So, then what do we do? Well, instead of appreciating where we are at in our phase of life, we compare ourselves and say, “Man! I don’t even have half of what they have.” Consequently, we wind up placing their level of success as the standard for our lives.
Now, there is nothing wrong with wanting things other people have- we all want nice cars, homes, safe communities, to be promoted, etc. The flaw, however, is in that fact that we don’t want those things because we determined it’s what we wanted for ourselves. We, instead, want them (if we dig really deep and get honest with ourselves) because society says it’s what we should have.
I found myself heavily dealing with this eight years ago when I began to work for my current company. I would encounter accomplished men and women who seemed to have flawless leadership skills, charisma, and vision. I was so in awe, that I began to mimic their paths to get to where they were when I should have created my own path to get to where I wanted to be. Even at my former church, I came across people my own age (in their early 20’s) who had fancy homes and cars. I thought, “How in the world do they have all that stuff when I’m struggling to manage bills?!” As a result, I put pressure on myself to obtain some of those luxuries they seemed to have easily acquired. To add to this comparison game, I would hear of married couples who would wake up early together, have breakfast in bed, and go for morning jogs. What a cute idea, right? I tried to force my hubby to do the same- well, my husband is not an early bird and I’m such a clean freak, that I don’t want any food to fall on my white linens (lol), so early morning runs and breakfast in bed didn’t make the cut. LOL. What worked for others didn’t work for us.
Consequently, I was stretched too thin and overly exhausted from putting too much pressure on myself. Never once did I stop to check with my own self to make sure those things were what I really wanted. I, therefore, had to take a step back and say “Tishonna, just stop. Stop! What are YOUR priorities? What is most important to YOU in THIS season?” My list then is the same list I have now: FAITH, FAMILY, and to BETTER MYSELF to be the best for my career and others. I made a box around those things. Anything outside of that box was secondary. In that box was what I could handle as priorities and what I wanted as my priorities. In this way, I didn’t [and don’t] feel like I am further behind anyone because I defined what my standards were [and are] for my life…NOT the standards of others for my life.
I can now look at someone who can rub their stomach, do cartwheels, chew gum, sing, and cook dinner all at the same time and say, “Wow!! That is awesome! You are incredible!” AND GENUINELY MEAN IT, because that’s in their priority box. It’s not in mine. I don’t have to be insecure or feel inadequate because I defined my priorities and what’s important to me. I don’t have to be jealous and criticize others because I defined my priorities and what’s important to me. The only person I compare myself to is the person I was yesterday, becoming a better version of myself. If I do this, then I will get to where I am trying to go.
I am also intentional. I don’t look to the left or the right to stop and see what others are doing or where society says I should be. That only slows me down. I, instead, keep looking forward, moving at my own pace: My dream house I longed for turned into staying in our cozy, small home to get out of debt. My dream car I longed for turned into being content with my company car. My promotions that I longed for turned into being content with my current job because it provides more time with my family. (Notice, please, that I used the word content and not settle). I can see some of you saying, “Are you trying to tell me to settle and get less than what I deserve?!” No, absolutely not. But sometimes what we want now doesn’t mean we can’t have it. It just may be a priority in a different/ later season in life. This leads me to my next point: as we grow, priorities will change. When they do, we must adjust accordingly.
When you create your box of priorities, please know that’s where the majority of your energy should be spent and what your life can handle in this season. If you find yourself “sneaking a peak” at someone else’s box and long for what they have, check yourself. Even if you attempted to add what you see others having, it wouldn’t fit, and if you tried to fit it in, you wouldn’t have enough energy to apply to it. (Remember, what’s in your box is what will consume most of your time and energy).
What’s in YOUR box? What should YOUR focus/ priorities be in THIS season of your life? When we focus on what’s in our box, giving those things all our energy, we become no further behind or ahead of anyone else. We will find ourselves exactly where we should and need to be. We all have a box, and it’s how we manage what’s inside that box that determines our growth and movement to get to the next level. For video, challenges, and daily devotionals click here.