The Birth of Dream Again
“God I have had it! I’m sick of this! You tell me to love, I love. You tell me to forgive, I forgive. You tell me to be the bigger person…that’s what I am doing! For four years now, I have tried my absolute hardest to be the wife, friend and leader I need to be for everyone and its left me tired with no reward. Nothing is changing in my life!”
Iremember the summer of 2013 VIVIDLY. It was the day I decided to walk away from the voice of God. I had had enough. Years of doing all these things God’s way seemed to leave me lonely and hurt. Why not do something for myself for once that would give me a little taste of joy?! Yep, that day I left God right there at the corner of Right and Wrong and went down Street Wrong. I took that summer to indulge in anything my heart desired to do- a little bit of good and a whole lot of bad. Ironically, although I was out to find pleasure and joy, I could never completely cover Christ’s voice saying, I love you. This is not who you are. Please come back to me. The end of “sin summer” (lol) left me void and knowing I had to crawl back into the arms of Jesus. With shame and guilt, however, I didn’t know how. Thankfully, I received an invite to a women’s conference which I gladly accepted. I needed something to help rekindle my relationship with Christ. I asked God, right before the conference began, to please meet me.
(Now, there are two side notes I must interject. For several years, I had issues with my ovaries. Benign cysts and polyps were such a regular occurrence, along with irregular menstrual cycles, that I believed I would never be able to have children naturally (only by way of adoption or medical intervention). Secondly, three weeks prior to the conference, I had back and leg pain continually racing through the left side of my body, but told no one. I just figured it would eventually go away).
God wowed me the first night of the conference! The band opened the night with my absolute favorite worship songs that had always pushed me toward the heart of Jesus. Following this shower of love in worship, I was singled out and encouraged by the guest speaker’s team. Their words of encouragement, confirmation and affirmation covered me. I couldn’t help but release a well of tears for the love Christ was showing me. Isn’t God awesome?! Oh, but wait! There is more…
“I want you to write down all your fears.” The second day, the speaker instructed us to make a list of every fear we wrestled. The very first fear I listed was I will never be a Mom. After seeing this on paper, I was somewhat surprised! There were a few other pressing matters I thought would be first, but I guess subconsciously it was a bigger fear than I thought. After we prayed against our fears, the speaker decided to do something new and call out a few things that could have been on our lists. We sat through a good thirty minutes of ladies raising their hands and getting prayed for over the fears that were called out. It was beautiful. As she sat down to conclude, she said, “Wait! I feel like I need to call out one more thing. If you are having any issues with conceiving or any issues related to conceiving, please raise your hand.”
I shot my hand up so fast! I knew it was the Lord. Several women gathered around me as I began to explain my issues and the fact I had not given birth to a child yet. As I was explaining, she interjected and said, “Can I ask you a question? Do you have leg or back pain?” Wait…huh? What?!!! I hadn’t told anyone about this pain! I nodded, but confused as to why she focused on my pain instead of the more pressing matter. She then said, “Well, we are first going to pray over this leg and back pain, which could be hindering conception, and YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE A BABY!” After she prayed, I stood up and I kid you not, my leg and back pain were completely gone! Two months later, I find out I am pregnant with my son!
I sit back and think of that moment because I had dug that dream way deep in the ground. I rejected the thought of having my own children. For years, I didn’t let that dream see the light of day. Then Jesus comes in and blesses me with a child. There, Dream Again, was birthed. It might not be a baby that people desire, but within each person there are dreams and desires that for whatever reason haven’t seen the light of day- dead, not fulfilled. We each have a purpose Christ wants us to walk out. That purpose is a part of our destiny and legacy, and it paves the way for lives to be changed and impacted. Living life to the fullest brings contentment, peace, and fulfillment, not to mention the blessings that flow. However, life gets in the way and we stop fulfilling that purpose. Whether it is fear, listening to the criticism of others, laziness, busyness, a family tragedy, guilt, sickness, anger, or even bitterness, we have neglected what God has called us to.
You might have stopped dreaming, but I believe God is working on your heart to reignite vision and desire. Christ wants us to know that we can try again, start again, He can forgive us again, and we have the ability to dream again. Our dreams have a distinct purpose and appointed place. Time to let it out!
